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St George’s News - Waterlooville’s Parish Magazine

The Website for St George’s Church, Waterlooville and its Parish Magazine St George’s News

Autumn 2023 issue

Par for the Course

It’s “Captain’s Celebration Day”

At Seven Lakes Golf Club. All play

A round of 18 holes to see

Who winner of the Cup will be.

But Capitan Geoff has fallen ill.

So someone has his place to fill;

Should it be Nick as he is “Vice”,

Or Simon, “proper and precise”? …

A better choice? Or may be not

As “people skills” he hasn’t got.

Nick’s girlfriend, Tiffany, must do

The cooking on the barbecue.

They’ve sausages and pies brought in

By Nick who found them in a bin.

They hope the visitors won’t mind

There’s sandwiches of just one kind.

Wife Laura phones and then rings back

Says Mum has had a heart attack.

But Simon says he’s things to do.

Pretends that he’s at B & Q.

Leaves Laura coping on her own

While he refuses to come home.

Laura’s no other choice so she

Drives Mother to the A & E.

Chance meeting at the hospital

Where Tiffany has need to call

As well, dismayed, she learns what’s more

That Simon’s nowhere near a store.

Her husband’s lied to her the swine -

Been at the Golf Course all the time!

Revengeful Laura goes too far

Drinks Simon’s “Limit” at the bar.

With gin and tonic, lots of wine

Poor Laura has a boozie time.

The Lady Members, they may leave

If better treatment don’t receive.

Offending bush that’s in their way,

If that bush goes, then they will stay.

Ladies objections should be heeded;

Are useful when their help is needed.

But Simon, sounding none too keen

Cites problems as yet unforeseen.

Decisive action, tools are gathered

To straight away remove the hazard.

A chainsaw and a tractor take.

Nick’s girlfriend drives, a big mistake!

Nick’s precious bike, his favourite toy,

And Simon’s car, his pride and joy.

The tractor’s flattened both – Oh dear!

That wasn’t news they’d want to hear.

And worse to come, the one onboard

Was Tiffany who’s not insured.

A little blackmail saves the day,

Persuading Simon he will say

That he was driving, because he

Can drive the tractor legally.

“Bad” news from hospital, they say

That Mother’s coming home to stay.

There’s trouble at the evening meal

Nick’s food is making people ill.

It’s quite an ending to their day.

But all agree that they would say

That all that’s happened is perforce

In Golfing terms “Par for the Course”.

Horndean Amateur Theatre presented the comedy play “Par for the Course”
at St George’s Hall on  29th June to 1st July.